Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Senator Kennedy Dies, Is Resurrected


Barack Obama performed his first official miracle as Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) died at a luncheon Tuesday afternoon. Rushing to the table where the bloated corpse slouched, Obama touched his white locks and the Senator leaped to his feet, exclaiming the Lord had touched him.
The Senator asked to be taken to the nearest Confessional. "I don't need a hospital, I have been given eternal life by my Lord and Savior, Barack Obama.
Mormon Senator Bill Bennett, (R-UT) was speechless as he saw the resurrection take place, and later was seen kneeling toward the Lord, head bowed, and praying to Him. Calls to his cellphone were unanswered as of press time.
TIMELINE: Senator Byrd had a seizure, the cameras focused upon him, Kennedy felt overwhelming jealousy, and collapsed.
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