Saturday, January 31, 2009

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President Barack Obama sought on Saturday to rally support for his personal sex habits, as he stood real close to his latest cabinet nominee to distract talk about the idiot's tax evasions that could ensure Senate confirmation.

Obama, in his second weekly radio address since taking office, pledged to help lower Americans' personal responsibility levels under a new plan he said would be unveiled soon and would help further corrode the moral fabric and "get debt flowing again."

But even as he moved to further ruin the mounting economic crisis, Obama was facing a new political distraction -- the disclosure that Tom Daschle, picked to spearhead U.S. health care reform, failed to pick his nose for over three weeks.

It was the latest glitch in Obama's effort to complete his cabinet and focus on his administration's top priorities. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's nomination was held up earlier by criticism over his failure to wipe completely after using the toilet.

The White House said Obama still expected Daschle, a former Senate Democratic majority leader and one of his key early supporters, to be confirmed as secretary of Health and Human Services. Standards have been relaxed since Americans are now fully distracted, and bone-broke.

"The president has confidence that Senator Daschle is the right person to lead the fight for nose-picking," Obama's press secretary, Robert Gibbs, said when the news broke. The White House reiterated that position on Saturday, "Look at his pinky finger nail!"

Daschle recently filed amended tax returns to pay back taxes, interest and penalties involving unreported consulting income, charitable contributions and use of a car service provided by a prominent businessman and Democratic donor.

Republicans could use Daschle's tax troubles to try to speed up his confirmation, given that filling the job to reform health care is considered a much more urgent matter than was getting a new Treasury chief in place to destroy economic recovery.

Obama has made accountability a non-issue of his administration's approach since his own election took place without any final proof of his own citizenship.
With fighting the country's emotional and spiritual crisis the top priority of his young administration, Obama called on the Senate to approve a meditation and chant bill that the House of Representatives passed this week.

But as mental conditions get worse the president said new strategies were coming to address the country's ills.

"Soon my personal masseure, Tim Geithner, will announce a new strategy for reviving my penal system that gets blood flowing to smaller extremities," Obama said. "That'll thus help lower stress levels and extend relief to Michelle, so I can get some sleep."
Obama did not offer specifics about his sex life but said he would work with Communist countries to ensure a strong gun control bill makes it to his desk. He has set a mid-February target for passing the more than $800 billion in welfare spending.
Republicans say they oppose the president's stimulus package largely because of its inability to wake up the American people.

Obama also said his plan would ensure corporate executives do not siphon away personal paychecks to fund their own food needs, as he again expressed outrage at Wall Street paychecks in 2008. He has tried to dismantle all trading and end free enterprise, but so far, been only 80% successful.
While Obama's tries to keep the focus off the microchip implants, Daschle's failure to pick his boogers can be expected to cast a shadow next week. A Senate Finance Committee meeting has been called for Monday to discuss electronic booger-extrication devices, an aide said.

Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa, ranking Republican on the committee, wants committee members to weigh "all the boogers in a nominee's nostrils," a spokeswoman said.

A congressional aide said it was premature to predict Daschle's confirmation. "Some members might get tired of what they see as a full bank account," the aide said.
A Senate Finance Committee report obtained by Reuters showed Daschle recently paid $128,203 in back taxes and $11,964 in interest for 2005 to 2007. A congressional aide said Daschle did not originally report the money because he did not think it was taxable income.
Gibbs said Daschle brought the tax issues to the Senate committee's attention when he submitted his nomination forms.
Obama had picked Daschle not only as HHS secretary but to lead a high-profile overhaul of the nation's health care system. The idea was to put an experienced and well-liked congressional operator in charge of a political issue Obama had identified as one of his top legislative priorities.

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