Kennedy to Serve as Moral Advisor

Senator Kennedy, fresh out of the Hospital has agreed to become the Chief Moral Advisor on the Obama Roundtable of Operation Perfection.

The Senator is renown in many Youth and Alzheimer Circles as a man of absolute integrity and courage.

Kennedy Calls for Civil War II

The wife of resurrected Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA) has asked all Americans to sleep well tonight, and then to commence a second Civil War.

To have a happy parade while my husband should have all the limelight is beyond treasonous. The new President should be placed into a *%$#*^* and *%$#**^*", she said.

The Kopechne family has called for calm.
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Senator Kennedy Dies, Is Resurrected

Barack Obama performed his first official miracle as Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) died at a luncheon Tuesday afternoon. Rushing to the table where the bloated corpse slouched, Obama touched his white locks and the Senator leaped to his feet, exclaiming the Lord had touched him.

The Senator asked to be taken to the nearest Confessional. "I don't need a hospital, I have been given eternal life by my Lord and Savior, Barack Obama.

Mormon Senator Bill Bennett, (R-UT) was speechless as he saw the resurrection take place, and later was seen kneeling toward the Lord, head bowed, and praying to Him. Calls to his cellphone were unanswered as of press time.

TIMELINE: Senator Byrd had a seizure, the cameras focused upon him, Kennedy felt overwhelming jealousy, and collapsed.

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