Sunday, January 18, 2009

America Taken Hostage

The Reverend Al Sharpton, speaking Monday to a Muslim group of small businesses in Detroit said that if Barack Obama is not released immediately from detention and allowed free passage to Kenya by Friday at noon, Eastern Standard Time, he will unleash the powers of an angry nation of offended voters upon the cities, towns and villages of the United States.
"It won't be pretty," the normally soft-spoken, conciliatory and camera-shy pastor warned. "This action would go against all I believe in, as an American, and I speak for all when I say...America, you are now being held hostage until our Brother is released.

Mr. Obama lost his bid to serve as President Monday morning when the Supreme Court, surrounded by approximately 12,600 NRA, Navy Seals, Boy Scouts and others capitulated amid shouts, and obeyed the Constitution. The President-elect has no Birth Certificate, and has therefore forged various documents to become a student, Senator and, until hours ago, the President of the United States.

"America has a choice," said Sharpton defiantly, "Return or burn." He referred to the return of Barack Obama to Kenya, his birthplace, according to family and legal papers found by Devvy Kidd over the weekend.

The Department of Homeland Security, fearing a possible backlash, has hired an Obama look alike actor to stage a fake Inauguration, which will not be binding. The actor has been paid to cross his fingers as he takes the Oath of Office, and so, there is no chance America will be led by an unknown actor. "If his left hand fingers aren't crossed, we'll go to commercial break, and air the rerun of American Idol," Homeland Security Deputy Chief Eric Tuttle said, upon condition of anonymity.

Sharpton is set to confer with Jesse Jackson and Al Gore this evening, to brief the Obama stand-in on what to say, and will advise discretion and brevity to avoid detection by those who use zoom and freeze-frame technologies.

"The Inauguration will appear to go off without a glitch. Wall Street also is on automatic pilot. Stock prices are pre-programmed to show modest gains, he said, "until the ceremonies are over."

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