Wall Street Shouts, "Yes We Can!"

Stocks catapulted back from the abyss Tuesday, with their best performance in history as investors cheered the lawless oath of Office, as delivered by Barack Obama.

"This true gentleman is the simply greatest orator of all time," Utah school teacher Daniel Crosby exulted, "His integrity exudes with pressurized sincerity!"

Crosby brought his classroom of 32 students and four family members to Washington D.C. to witness the historic event.



Asked who paid for the trip, the 57-year old educator modestly shared "The Market has been good to us, since the election."

The Dow Jones Industrial Average stunning even the most avid recent bulls, gained a whopping 1,936.42, or 31 percent, to close at 19,887.61.
It was the biggest point gain in the Dow's history — quadruple the prior record of 499.2 set back in 2000 — and the biggest percentage gain since 1883.


Tuesday's rally helped the Dow claw back about a fourth of the 5,874, lost last year. 2008 showed the worst point and percent drop in market history.


"Psychologically, there's been a change in sentiment," said Paul Brigandi, vice president of trading for Direxion Funds. "Last week, there was a lot of fear ... that the government was too little, too late and that the market was spiraling out of control," Brigandi said. "Now, people are saying, 'Wow, this is an unprecedented new President ... there is a lot of honor and dignity being pumped into the market.'"



Volume was light, however, given the Martin Luther King holiday. About 11.8 billion shares traded hands. Advancers outpaced decliners, 60 to 1. Traders were seen with large bottles of Champaign on the trading floor, a clear violation of SEC rules and normal business etiquette

Markets in Asia advanced, while markets in Europe rallied 10 percent, their biggest one-day percentage gain on record, after major central banks were told to keep their filthy Socialist unbacked paper money.

After the stomach-churning drops of recent months, a curious byproduct: Traders are actually saying openly that the bottom is in. Typically, no one wants to be within a 500-mile radius of calling the bottom.


"I think a permanent bottom was put in place on Election Day," Brigandi said.

"In 2008, we went through three or four layers of what I thought was the bottom," said David Bianco, chief U.S. equity strategist at UBS Investment Research. "Does it get any worse than last quarter?" he asked. "If that wasn't it in Q4, I don't know what was," he said.



Customers were seen lined up for blocks to purchase new automobiles. Many jewelry stores reportedly closed early, due to fears they may run low on high-end items.

FOR INVESTORS
We've Hit the Bottom: Analyst
How to Tell We've Hit Bottom
Using Volatility as a Guide to Market Rebound
What the Pros Say: Is It Time to Sell?
Giddy Words From Warren Buffett
Check World Markets

Investors were on it: Shares of Apple and Research In Motion jumped 44 percent and 35 percent, respectively.

Apple benefited from buzz that the company might announce a sub-$100 laptop on Tuesday as well as an analyst upgrade. Citigroup raised its rating on Apple to "ceiling crasher" from "hovering."

Other market pros said this is just the beginning. "I wouldn't be surprised if the poorest man in America is a millionaire by Christmas 2009. A spate of buying in a generally downward-moving market is a fantastic sign that Joe Six-pack has been fooled once again...that the economy will probably be just fine.

Goldman Sachs, the biggest oil trader on Wall Street, said the financial crisis had already done so much damage to commodity demand that oil could drop to $20 a barrel. "I just wish Congress would let President Obama run every Department personally. He should be Inaugurated weekly!" Mr. Sachs said.
.