Oprah Suffers Bowel Seizure

Billionaire Oprah Winfree who single-handedly financed Barack Obama's journey to the White House in 2008 was stricken by Irritable Bowel Syndrome Tuesday, moments before Mr. Obama flubbed up his public oath of office.

"I saw her in her corner of my eye," the President told Dianne Sawyer this morning, "she looked quite troubled, as though in pain. "It really distracted me, bigtime."

Sources close to Winfrey said a pungent stench filled the area, nearly sparking panic among spectators. Secret Service Agents took samples of the smell in small jars, and the analysis should be finished by mid-April.

"It smelled like rotten eggs, mixed with powder or perfume," said Dennis Harrison of Battle Creek, "I've smelled it on first dates, like you know, if the girl's nervous."

Oprah has denied that she had flatulence of any IBC event. "It was her girdles. She wore four that day, and one of them may have malfunctioned.

This was the first time Washington D.C. was nearly shut down by such gas. "Had there been panic, or a rumor, God only knows how many people would have been trampled."
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