Denzel Petitions Mormon Leaders

Actor Denzel Washington has sent a petition with over 32,000 signatures asking the Mormon leaders to receive a new revelation allowing gay tattooed missionaries to serve.

Washington was baptized last week into the church by a renegade who approached him in a Salt Lake City bar. The church has since closed the establishment, in hopes of squashing any future conversions. "We appreciate their tithes," said a church financial auditor, "but their fondling during testimonies is simply too effective."

CHANGE IN MORMONDOM

The new type of mutant membership is called SWATTING, and is catching on in the USA and Canada.
.