Mormons to Abandon Electricity

There was at first a small idea, that led to a conversation, that grew into a plan and now will become the newest doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

No electricity.

"We love the earth," says Dwayne Miller of the Provo 98th Ward, "it's a gift from our Heavenly Father." And so, the 13-million strong church will dispose of all appliances beginning next Friday at noon, local times.

The church has a history of abandoning important things, so this shouldn't prove impossible, according to psychologists.

PLAN B

"We'll see how it all works out," Ricky, a rosy-cheeked 9-year old Cub Scout said, "if it's like boring and stuff, then we'll like sneak batteries or something."

The move came as signs that America was about to crash and burn, due to President Obama's torch welding off the gears of commerce last week. "It's only a matter of time before all of America is in the dark," said Bishop Bohica, "let's be pioneers once again."
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