Obama to Personally Help Each American

HENRIETTA HUGHES NAMED AS NEW SECRETARY OF DESPERATION

President Obama has just opened the Office of Desperation at the White House. If you have any problem whatsoever, please call 1 202 Get Help. That's 1 (202) GET HELP. If you need help dialing, simply call 911, and tell the operator to put you through to the White House, Department of Desperation. Operators are standing by, 24/7.

Obama Signs Gun Control Law

Thank God for a man of vision and change.

I admire the President for his compassion and wisdom. To make us all safer, he supports registering, taxing, restricting, or outright banning all sorts of firearms and ammunition. He even supports prosecuting people who use guns in self-defense. He's been very consistent on this issue, consistently trying to disarm the entire citizenry. He doesn't think the people should be allowed to carry firearms, or even own them. I'm sure this is all because he cares deeply about us, and wants to keep us all safe from harm, and I think that's very noble.

Well, since he is so principled on this issue, I have no doubt in my mind that, as soon as he takes office, he will do the right thing, and lead by example, by disarming the Secret Service. After all, guns CAUSE crime, don't you know? Even using violence in self-defense is — according to the President Elect — a bad thing. So I'm sure his first act as President will be to completely disarm those whose job it is to protect him. The Secret Service folk can all still carry cell phones, instead of guns, so they can call 911 if someone tries to kill Mr. Obama. But since using force is always evil, even in self-defense — or so Mr. Obama apparently believes — then I'm sure he will be happy and proud to leave himself defenseless, just as he wants to leave the rest of us defenseless.

Come on, Mr. Obama, show what a principled, fine guy you are. Lead by example, and render YOURSELF helpless and vulnerable. That would be the progressive, responsible thing for you to do, and it would show us peasants how well unilateral disarmament works.

Until you do that, Mr. Obama, stay the hell away from MY guns, you hypocritical, elitist fascist bastard.

HR 645: The Rapture

Now that the money has been allocated to house Christians soon, perhaps it's a good time to study, with an open heart, about the rapture.

We all know that there is a God. That He left us with a proving ground. That it's a mess now. That some kids have planned to take over the playground, and be mean bullies.

Have you ever prayed alone? Quietly? Slowly? Deeply? With few, precious words?

Maybe it's time you thought about it. (Matthew 24: verse 4 and also verse 9)

Maybe.

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White House Fires Secret Service Agents

President Obama, back from the bathroom recently, had a new idea for change on his mind: Fire the Secret Service!

He did so, without a secnd thought. He has placed a giant eagle, representing the financial condition of the average loyal American at the White House steps.

Change we can all believe in!

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What's in a Nose?

Michelle Obama has asked that the children of the World join her in dreaming of a world with white pets.

Change...for Nicole Simpson

Got it, America?

Finance and cherish your killers, till death do you part.

Pretty Girl Pretty Pissed at Obama

A former avid supporter has just switched sides, and Obama is in trouble now. Maureen Johnson has the 7th most popular Blog on Facebook this week. She's pissed. She 100% supported Obama, but now sees he's all sizzle and no steak. "What a loser he is. Worse than Bush. Can't even say the most important Oath in his life correctly. Now he's continuing the wars, keeping Guantanamo open, and hiring crooks faster than Tricky Dick ever dreamed!

All this from a former supporter? In one week?

My, how things can change.
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